Journey

It’s been a long time since I posted my last blog. I guess it is more than two years. I don’t write that much only if I have to. I love reading other people’s blogs. I love to see what’s inside their minds, their hearts. Sometimes, I envy them that they can put everything into writing coz I know I am not a good writer myself.

Today is Saturday, 2:30 pm. I don’t have to go to work, its the weekend off. It’s dark and it’s raining. I don’t have plans of turning the lights on. I kinda like it this way. I can hear the wind blowing. It is scary but soothing. I am all by myself. I feel so alone. When I wrote my last blog, I was a young lady who was just in love. I was the lady with so much hope and dreams, with so much idealism. I was single then but was never alone. Two years later, I am wondering what happened to that young lady. I am thinking if she’s a grown up now. I guess she had changed a lot. I do. I am married. Though I am missing my old self. I am wondering if I will ever see her again. I am still hoping to have her back. Ooooops, i don’t mean to have her back is to be single again.

All my dreams, my hopes, my wishes I have achieved within those two years since I got here in the US. It was fast. I am not ready for it. And guess what? I am not happy nor contented at all. Well, it is human nature to ask for more. We want to keep on searching and looking with no idea of what we are really looking for. I remember when I was in the Philippines, I go to the mall almost everyday with my sisters and friends with less than a thousand in my pocket but I always enjoyed it. Now, I go to the mall with all my debit and credit cards handy but still unhappy about it. You know why? Because spending time with them is worth a million bucks. Or should I say, having your family and friends beside you is priceless. I miss my family and friends. For 24 years, I have never felt so alone but now. You are lucky if you have your friends beside you when you are alone. And even luckier if you have your family around you when you are sick. I miss laughing with my friends. I miss watching movies with them. I miss traveling with them. I miss playing with my sisters. I miss dancing with them. I miss going out with them. I have missed two Christmases, two New years, and several birthdays. It feels like I am already missing half of my life. It is so true that the best things in life are free. Laughing is free. Sleeping is free. Though sometimes, we get paid for sleeping.. sleeping at work. Just kidding. A kiss is free. A hug is free. So share your hugs and kisses today, its free anyway. Make somebody smile today. Make somebody feel better. All we need to do is appreciate what we have. Best friends are hard to find. Keep them as long as you can. Be careful of what you wish coz wishes do come true. These are just my realizations.

So let me share these to you. If you are single, enjoy the life that you have. Being single does not mean you are alone. It is a great stage of your life where you can be as free as the wind. Soar high. Do what you want to do. Spend time with your friends. Spend time with your family. If you are in a relationship, take it easy, take it slow. Take your time to know each other. Fast forwarding is a huge mistake coz you can never rewind and play it back. If you are married like me, all I can say is… i have no idea. i have been married for more than a year and I feel like I am still lost. So if you can give me some pieces of advice, you are more than welcome to do so. I badly need it. If you are married and have plans of getting annulled or divorced, stay married for as long as you can. Annulment and divorce is just an escape but never the solution, you know. Finally, if you are happily married, share your secrets and stay happy. You are one of the few people that is blessed with a happy married life. So be the light to those married couples that are in their darkest times.

Oh well.. It is still dark and raining but i feel a lot better now.

"If there ever comes a day, when we can’t be together, keep me in your heart and ill stay there forever" by winnie d pooh

I don’t believe in long distance relationships. Why? i simply don’t. No explanations, no details, no arguments. And i never planned to be in the situation. It just happened. Whats next? I have two options.. its either i stay or get out.. If i stay, how long? If i get out, when? Love and distance? Are they corelated? Am i in love? I am. How sure i am? Pretty sure. When you feel that you love someone, all your saved up wishes starts to come out. That why im quite sure.  Proximity is the fastest way to develop infatuation. When ur always together, u develop a special bond. So if being together makes u fall in love? Does that mean being apart makes u fall out of love? Can long distance relationships really work?

I don’t know. It should work. I have to make it work. We have to make it work. Its not that easy. Its not easy to miss somebody. Its not easy to long for his company. Its not easy to give 100% of ur trust. Its not easy to resist temptation. Its not easy to keep the fires of love burning. If its not easy, why sweat? i can only think of one reason.. i love this person.  If he is the only person who can make me happy, why not?!  People come and go. They do. But when u realized that u met the person who could be the whole world to you, u don’t want to lose that person just because he’s in a different time zone.  Distance is not the end for a relationship. Distance cannot and will not hurt a bond between two people that is based on mutual respect, trust, commitment and love.

Thats deep. Love is more than a feeling. It is a state of mind. Hell yeah!This is not me.. well, this is me.. Its just a different angle, coz im in love. I think.. kidding.. I am.

Life is a very short trip. While alive, live.